I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Unibrow today and for once, I left feeling extremely happy and optimistic. Usually, I go into my follow-up appointments feeling nervous and anxious. I leave my follow-up appointments still feeling nervous and anxious. Not today, folks. Everything is coming up Lara.
Given my type of cancer (estrogen positive), the biggest part of my treatment is Tamoxifen. The standard protocol is to take the drug for five years, and it's supposed to reduce my chance of a reoccurence/new primary cancer by 40 percent. However, you cannot get pregnant while on Tamoxifen. It's a big no no. When I've talked to my onco before about my desire to have a family, he has held strong on the five years. Finally, I just came out and said, "I'll stay on this for two years, but then I want to try to have a kid." I didn't want to wait until I was 36 to start trying, especially with a partner 9.5 years older than me.
At today's appointment, Unibrow and I talked about this two-year plan of mine again. For the first time he said, "I see no problem with you going back on the medication after your family plans." Ohmygod. He had never said that before. He's been a strict, "Five years five years five years." I've browsed a lot of message boards geared toward breast cancer and fertility. I've likewise read other women getting the same speech by their oncologists: "Five years or GTFO."
Unibrow always gave the impression that I'd be taking a big risk, and I understood that. I really want to be a mom, so it's a risk I'm willing to take. I have thought, based on my numerous conversations with Unibrow, that once I stopped taking Tamoxifen, that was it. Knowing that I can go back on this drug after my sweetie and I make purdy babies is AWESOME. It gives me hope that I can not only have the life I want, the life I will have is going to be long. History is not going to repeat itself. I'm not going to die young and leave young children.
When Unibrow told me this, I felt so giddy and happy. It was the same happy feeling I got when my boyfriend suggested we buy a house together. I have gotten so much bad news in the last year that it was bound to happen: I got a glimmer of hope. When you give hope to someone who has felt hopeless for so long, well... I'm going to take this and run with it for miles and miles...