Thursday, May 19, 2011

Life

Yesterday, I went to the funeral for my friend's husband, who died in a complete freak accident.  I met him once or twice at wing night but unfortunately, never got to know the man.  His accident and funeral got me thinking about a subject that I've tried for months to put in the back corner of my mind:

Death.

At the beginning of my treatment, I went to an estate lawyer and got my affairs in order.  I made up a will and a medical power of attorney, so that my dad wouldn't be the one making any decisions for my healthcare.  I wanted my boyfriend to be the one to make the decision because he's my partner and I trust him completely.  More importantly, I saw this lawyer so my sweetie could keep the house in the event I died and be my sole beneficiary.  It gave me a lot of peace of mind that I could take care of him if I died.  

Other than that, I didn't make any funeral plans for myself.  I didn't want to think about it or entertain the possibility that cancer was going to win.  It was naive of me, and this man's funeral reminded me of that.  He went fishing and didn't come back.  What happened to him and his family, I just find completely tragic.  I can't even imagine what they are going through.  

At this man's viewing and then funeral, I kept thinking how I'm beating death.  I didn't put off my mammograms or bury my head in the sand about breast cancer.  I did my screenings every year and as a result, the doctors caught my cancer early.  After my surgery and my rounds of chemotherapy, I felt so beaten and sick and oftentimes wondered if I was ever going to feel good again.  After my last chemo, I was so sick and exhausted that I could understand why some people just have to say no more.  But I'm going to live and the bastard cancer cells are going back to Hell.  Death came knocking and I slammed the door in its face.  Booya.

This last week, I was reminded how wonderful life is if you fill it with love and happiness.  So many people came out to celebrate the life of man who died way too young.  He touched so many lives, including mine.  I need to stop putting things off, postponing vacations and preoccupying my thoughts about people who bring me stress and grief.  It's time to start living the life I want, surrounded by the people in my life who matter.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

                              Dr. Seuss 


1 comment: