Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Not scared

The week prior to my first chemo, I was scared out of my freaking mind.  Moments before my sweetie and I left for my appointment, I broke down crying and asked him if I really had to go.  I knew the gist of what was going to happen but I didn't really know what was going to happen, if that makes any sense. 

Now with chemo number 2 (but really number 1 - blargh!) coming in two days, the anxiety of the unknown is gone.  Plus, one of the worst case scenarios already happened.  Now the nurses know I'm a "special" case and will be watching me even closer to make sure I have another allergic reaction or, well, die.  I guess if one is going to have a severe allergic reaction, then the best place to have that happen is in a hospital with a nurse standing six inches away.  Haha.  My To-Do List for Thursday: go to AGH, talk with my nurse, head to the treatment room and sit there for hours while poison enters my body, come home and sleep for two days. 

If the weather isn't being a bitch, my friend Amber is goinng to come with me to this chemo, which is going to help beat my anxiety into submission.  Everybody should have an "Amber" in their lives - I truly believe that.  Friends are the famliy you choose.  :)  I have a friend who hates my breast cancer just as much as me and wants to help me however she can and has never made me feel like I'm inconveniencing her.  I will gladly accept help from those who offer, not those who make me feel like I have to bum rides or take public transit to the hospital. 

Also - I STILL HAVE MY HAIR.  Take that and shove it down your pie hole, cancer.


  1. <3

    It's hard but you will get through it. Are you allowed to eat while you get your chemo infusion? Get a friend to make you some yummy snacks to nom on while you're down there. Or, message me and I'll mail you some sweets. If the nurses are going to be monitoring you and you have a friend I'd also invest in some fun card games to play (you might feel ok for a half hour or more some times and it can be boring) like Fluxx (there's like 14 versions) Apples to Apples, Scrabble, Boggle, Munchkin (that might be a bit much depending on how you tolerate the chemo). The hospital should have WiFi, so if you have one bring a netbook and watch some streaming Netflix (they have a online only plan now that's cheap) or Hulu.
    Laugh. Wash would use the time on some days to work on his stand-up material. The nurses loved it.

    ... Only other thing I'd say is if you want do what I did with Wash; go down to Build-A-Bear and make yourself a "comfort" bear. Bring it with you. No one in the hospital will care and if someone gives you a funny look fuck 'em. Wash has only had a couple nurses ask the bear's name and comment on the matching outfits. ;)

    I wish there was a way to make it physically easier for you. Stay as strong as you can, and know that you don't *always* have to be "strong". It's ok to feel like shit some days, or good at some times.
    If you want, get a tee and add ticks after each round;
    Cancer- 1
    L- 2
    And increase every day or something. Know that with every breath you are beating it.

    Good luck and good rest.

    And KICK ASS, on the hair! Stay on hair!

  2. Hey, email me at althea.blue@gmail.com. I don't think I have ever emailed you before.

  3. Is Patches coming? I just need to know if I'm going to need to keep an eye on that bitch, I know she'll try to sneak off to some bar in the north side and get shot. She's done it before.

    I own Apples to Apples, in fact I think we made you and OD play that once long, long ago in a place across a bridge AND through a tunnel. Do you know if they have WiFi? I can bring my laptop and any snacks you may want. Just let me know.