Sunday, October 17, 2010


Oh cancer.  I get pretty fed up hearing people remark on how great they think my positive attitude is because I was positive before getting cancer.  At least, I became such a person after my thyroid got (apparently temporarily) fixed four years ago.  I'm not a dweller or a negative Nancy.  This positive attitude so many have remarked on so far has been here all along.  "Keep that positive attitude, Lara.  That will help you in your fight against breast cancer."  Every time I hear someone remark about how awesome they think my attitude is, I always think to myself, "No shit.  This is who I was before cancer.  Am I supposed to change into something now that I gots the cancer?"

I think I'm a generally happy person and I'm definitely someone who is easily amused.  If you gave me a rubber bouncy ball, then I could be happily occupied for a good two hours - solid.  The order would go: bounce, WEEEEE!, grin, repeat.  I find humor and joy in so many things and still do. 

Here is just a smidge of nouns and verbs that make me a big pile of happy (in no particular order).

MAGGIE.  I love this beagle.  I really and truly do.  Her little beagle face just makes me forget about all my problems and worries.  When I come to my parents' house, Maggie greets me at the door like I have totally made her day, hell, YEAR just by showing up to see her.  She is squealing and jumping up at me - 100 percent pure joy.  Her and I will spend a good solid 10 minutes of me petting and hugging her all while telling her how she is the best beagle in the entire world.  My dad jokes that I just come to their house to only visit the dog.  My response to him: "When you greet me like she does, I might greet you this enthusiastically."

I love this beagle.

Hockey.  Some mother-fucking hockey makes me happy.  I love hockey, particularly the Pittsburgh Penguins.  I love the Pens and would do up my bedroom in a Penguins' motif if I thought my sweetie would let me.  Maybe it's the big-screen television that he and I bought when we also purchased the house, or the fact I am highly entertained by hockey players fighting each other.... I can't really pinpoint why I love hockey so much.  Right now, it's an excellent way for me to forget about cancer and any doom and gloom for a couple of hours.  I'm not thinking cancer or illness or hospitals while watching the Pens.  It's a lovely escape for me.

My sweetie, of course, makes me happy.  He is my best friend, my protector, my partner in crime... It will sound cliche but he's my everything.  I love him, even when he's annoying the ever-loving shit out of me and I want to smack him upside his head.  He makes me feel safe, loved and whole.  I have one of the scariest illnesses anyone can have but it's okay because he's right here with me.  No matter what happens, I know that I have experienced great love and happiness in my life.  That's pretty damn awesome. 

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