Saturday, October 16, 2010

Okay, God - I get it

Yesterday I had my first meeting with my oncologist, who will be here on referred to as Dr. Unibrow.  Holy shnikes, I have never seen a unibrow so defined and in-your-face like this brow.  He probably thinks that people make eye contact with him all the time.  No, dude - they are staring at your unibrow.  A lawnmower would look at that brow and go, "Fuck, no.  I'm not doing that."

Anyway, I digress.  I brought my sweetie to my first oncologist appointment and it turns out I didn't have to bring him.  It was a pretty lame Q&A but since two tests haven't been done/completed, the Q&A was seriously lacking in some As.  If I had known it was going to be like that, I would not have brought my boyfriend with me.  After the doctor gets the Oncotype test and the genetic counseling completed, then Go Team Cancer will know more about Barney (my breast cancer - remember).  The bright side of the oncologist meeting was the one office lady giving my boyfriend so much crap.  Haha, it was hilarious.  She kept calling him "Boo" and laughing at him, and then said to me, "Oh, Boo hates me.  I can tell it."  Oh how right she was.  No worries because I loved this woman.

After meeting with Dr. Unibrow, my sweetie and I headed over to the endocrinologist appointment to finally figure out what the hell is going on with my thyroid.  I have been going to so many appointments and been through so many tests, and then Barney came along.  When one gets the breast cancer, one does tend to forget about everything else. 

Hold up Sparky because the thyroid doesn't want to be upstaged apparently.  The endocrinologist (who has now been named Dr. Douchebag because he would NOT stop talking) informed me that one of the nodules came back very suspicious.  There's about a 30 percent chance the suspicious nodule could be cancer.  I definitely have to have my thyroid taken out. 


Kind of my life right now.

"Well, you're taking it well," Dr. Douchebag remarked.

I looked at him and shook my head in disbelief.  "I already have breast cancer, also known as my worst fear.  This... this ain't anything compared to breast cancer."

I mean, really.  I already have breast cancer and am already facing a whole lot of surgeries and medications.  The odds of me having gotten breast cancer at 30 years old was way less than my now odd of having a SECOND cancer.  Really?  I honestly could have two - count 'em TWO cancers at the same time.  This is just freaking hysterical.  I get it, God.  You are trying to tell me something.  I plan on listening intently but can you stop giving me cancer(s), por favor?

Dr. Douchebag is going to get into contact with Dr. Unibrow and the two are going to discuss what I should do next with my body.  I will likely have thyroid surgery prior to my cancer treatment or at the same time if I end up getting a mastectomy or bilateral mastectomy.  Whatever happens, my mother fucking thyroid is coming out.  I am actually not surprised that it has come to this.  I'm now intrigued as to the link between thyroid disease/cancer and ER+/PR+ breast cancers.  Hormones, baby.

I can tell I am now at the acceptance phase of my cancer because this news barely made a blip on my radar.  How can I be afraid of thyroid cancer when I already have breast cancer?  Cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.  Right now, I have two scars on my right side and I guess I'm going to have a nice one on my neck after this.   I'm going to tell people I got into a knife fight.  Yeah.


  1. Oh Lara, darling I had wondered why you deleted facebook. You my dear friend are a wonderful strong person who will triumph over this I know it.

    I wish I could give you a massive hug...

  2. I love you.

    I love that despite facing your worst fear, you still have that sense of humor I have always loved about you.

    Keep swinging.