One of the major things on my mind in regard to the whole cancer schmancer is my fertility. I am 30 years old and I don't have any children. The idea of motherhood has been in the back of my mind but was never something I wanted to pursue until I met the right guy. I dated quite a bit of, um, not so right guys in my 20s and would never want to tie myself to any of them for the rest of my life.
I am finally with a guy who I see the whole package with: house, kids and a dog. He wants the same thing, too. We were even talking about starting to try this fall. Then I get cancer.
I haven't been all "mopey dopey-why me?-this isn't fair-damn you GOD" about my cancer diagnosis. I understand that cancer could very well take my life well before the age my mom was when she died. This is the card that I have been dealt and I accept that. When I think about the possibility of never having children because chemotherapy could put me into early menopause and I don't have enough money to have science aid me in my fertility quest, I get really angry. I get really fucking angry. This isn't fair.
I'm in a stable relationship with a wonderful man who treats me incredibly, and I just bought a home. A home which I bought thinking would one day be where my sweetie and I have our kids. It absolutely breaks my heart that the possibility of this future happening is becoming slim to none. I may miss out on having a family because I wanted to wait until I found the right guy. The odds are stacked against me.
I know there's adoption and foster children. I'm about to face a disease that is going to take my breasts away and ravage my body and possibly my ability to ever have a child. I know I should be concentrating first and foremost on getting cancer free. I'm just pissed as hell that when my friends are having babies and getting married, I have fucking breast cancer.