Friday, October 29, 2010

Nothing Left to Do but Smile Smile Smile

During my Cancer Limbo time here, I would like to regale you all with a blog entry full of sunshine and puppies.  I am grateful for some many things right now, despite being dealt a shitty card (or two).  Nothing like some breast cancer to make take a long, hard look at my life.  I've got to say - I have no complaints and only ONE regret.  If you must know, if I could go back and re-do my bachelor's degree, I would not major in journalism.  Hellllll no.  I wish I could build a time machine and go back to 18 year old Lara and say, "Noooo, don't do it.  Major in something with substance."  Other than that, no additional regrets.

Right now, I am so incredibly grateful to my job.  They are being absolutely amazing with me and not giving me any grief or stress.  When I told my boss that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, her response: "I am so sorry.  Anything we can do to help, let me know.  You have so much to worry about right now, and your job should be the last thing if we can help."  She also said, "You're not just an employee to us.  You're a person and we care about you.  We want you to get better."  She's been true to her word.

I'm currently on intermittant family leave, so I can take off days off when needed.  Heck, if I need a couple of hours off, I can just go to whatever appointment and those hours would be unpaid.  The wonderful thing my job has let me do: work on weekends to make up for any time I need off during the week for appointments.  It's a load off my already loaded shoulders.  Any time I take unpaid time, that means obviously my paycheck starts taking a hit.  If I can keep my pay and hours up as close to full time as I can, then I don't have to worry about money and bills.  I am beyond grateful for them letting me do this.  Money is a huge stress factor when you get diagnosed with a disease like cancer. 

To my job: thank you thank you thank you thank you. 

I'm also very grateful that my parents still live close by for the time being.  My dad is about a year and a half away from retirement and when that time comes, I want him and his better half to go somewhere nice and warm and never come back to the 'Burgh.  A huge smile creeps on my face when I think of my parents and the beagle relaxing in nice warm weather, though I will miss the hell out of that dog... er, my parents.  This past winter was brutal and my dad spent way too much time shoveling the driveway and sidewalk.  I want them to be happy and warm!  In the meantime, they are still here and close to my house.  Knowing that they are 25 minutes nearby while going through cancer, I feel better about my immediate future.  I know I can stay with my stepmom and the beagle during the day while my sweetie is at work.  If I have big surgeries coming up, then my parents will be close by to help me recuperate.

Oh yeah, that's the spot.
What timing would that be - I recover from my cancer treatment and then shortly after get to watch my parents ride off into the sunset.  I like that. 

I am so grateful to my friends.  I haven't been around much lately in the last year.  I've either been working on overtime cases and then got swallowed in by my house.  The friends I thought who would step up have and the ones I thought would fall by the wayside have done just that.  I understand that and don't begrudge any of my acquaintances for not asking me every other day, "How are you?"  There are friends and then the are acquaintances.  I know who my friends are, and I absolutely adore them.  My friends who don't live near me have kept in contact via text or email.  It's nice.  I'm having this It's a Wonderful Life surreal moment where I'm seeing the impact I've had on others.

I've also gotten a lot of support from the ladies at Jezebel.  Many times, I've posted something on #groupthink or the weekend threads, and the ladies come guns blazing with their support.  I only know the real names of a few of them, but I count them all as friends.  They are supportive and genuinely care about one another.  If a Jezzie is in trouble, then here come the Jezzies to the rescue. 

While getting breast cancer at the ripe old age of 30 is pretty damn shitty, I can't help but smile at all the great things I have in my life.  I have a killer support system and I know with everyone's help, I am going to be okay.  It may not be soon but it will happen.



  1. We love you too.

    Frak Cancer dear, LIVE.

    I'm glad you had some time to reflect on the good things.

  2. WORK is being UNDERSTANDING?! i suppose pigs are flying nowadays too, huh?

    :) i'm glad to hear it.