Friday, October 1, 2010


Chemotherapy has been thrown out as something my doctor wants to do to treat my cancer.  Since I'm 30 and have the boob cancer, that is considered to be an aggressive cancer.  Since it is considered aggressive, then we have to treat it aggressively so more than likely, chemotherapy is coming my way.  I'll cross that bridge when I get there and if that's what my doctor thinks will get rid of the cancer, then that's what we are going to do. 

More than likely, I'll be sick.  I'll probably be more sick than I ever thought I could possibly be.  My hair will fall out and I'll look a billion times skinnier than I do already.  (Yep, cancer has me regretting the fact I'm thin.  How I wish I had some lovin' on me right now.)  If I have to go through hell to get rid of this cancer, then so be it.  I'll take it day by day or hour by hour.  My hair will grow back and I'll wear fabulous scarves and call everyone darling. 

One thing I want to emphasize again is that this is not bravery.  I'm not brave.  I think of the men and women who tried to save lives on 9-11 as brave.  They gave up their lives to try and save others.  I think of men and women who give up lucrative careers to devote to a life of service as brave.  I'm not brave.  I have absolutely no choice in this matter.  It's either fight cancer or die.  That's it.  There is no option C hiding somewhere.  I have no choice.  Since I don't want to die, I have to fight cancer.  Everything is pretty much out of my control, and my God, that's a frightening scenario to find yourself in.

I've encountered people along my path who I think are just throwing their lives away, with either drugs, alcohol or just being scared at everything all the time.  I want to shake those people and snap them out of it.  You get one life.  That's it.  Do you want to spend it living or slowly dying?  Sorry for the heavy handedness of my words.  I'm feeling a little soap-boxy lately. 

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