Unfriending

Over this past week, I have noticed that two women, who I thought were my friends, had unfriended me on Facebook.   This obviously is not the first time anyone has ever unfriended me, and I certainly have unfriended people myself (including family members!).  However, this was the first time I actually had my feelings hurt by an unfriending because I thought these two women were my friends. 

A couple of years ago, I unfriended a handful of people who I went to high school with due to the fact that I no longer live in the area nor did I care.  I wasn't Miss Popularity in high school and really didn't have a lot of friends.  Sure, I had some acquaintances in high school but very few friends.  Those I kept on my Facebook were people from high school I cared about and considered real friends.  My other mass unfriending came when I decided I didn't want anyone, and I mean anyone, associated with Evil Stepsister 2 to be on my friends list.  Oh my God, I probably unfriended dozens of people because they were really her friends or relatives.  

The people I had left on my friends list were people who I really wanted to know what was going on with their lives.  I'd get unfriended here and there, and I have unfriended people now and then.  I get it.  But people who I thought were my actual friends (no, they didn't delete their profiles because they showed up as "people I may know")... that hurts.

I should really reexamine my priorities because I'm less than two weeks away from a double mastectomy, and I'm getting up in arms about noticing two people had unfriended.  My anxiety has caused me to wonder, "What did I do?  Why didn't X or X even message me to talk to me about this?"

On my Facebook, I talk about three main topics: Boomer, Cancer and politics.  I've seen so many blog posts, saying, "One of the reasons people unfriend you is because of politics!" or "You post too much."  You know what, I probably do.  I really don't give a fuck and won't change the frequency with which I post.  

I love talking about Boomer.  I don't have children, so all my love and affection goes toward this furry creature.  She is not just my pet.  She served as my therapy dog during the worst period of my life, and I love her more than words (great, now I have that song in my head).  I don't know if I would have gotten through my cancer treatment with the same positive mindset if I didn't have her.  Boomer prevented me from obsessing about cancer or my fate.  I focused so much energy on her, which saved me.  If anyone has ever judged me for talking about her (ugh, again about the dog?), then they can go fuck themselves. 

I'm not child-free.  I am childless.  I wish my boyfriend and I were parents to little bundles of joy.  I close my eyes and wish for a world where I never got sick and am instead a hands-on mom.  I would give anything in the world to trade my cancer for a little baby to call my own.  I never thought I'd be 32 with no child in sight, but that's my life now.  My life is disease, surgery and illness.  I'd love for someone to make a snide comment about me not being a mother or (GASP) living in sin with my boyfriend because I'd unleash a hellfire of epic proportions.   

As for my tendency to post about political stuff, guess what?  I care about social issues.  I care about low-income and under insured women receiving adequate breast screenings, even if that means sending them to places that offer (GASP) abortions.  I care about gay people being allowed to get married, just like the heteros.  I care about my city screwing over its citizens by cutting public transit but creating a connector for the freaking Stillerz.  

I'm going to keep on doing what I do, and if anyone does have a problem with it, then unfriend me.  I know I'm not an easy person to like or get along with, which I'm entirely okay with.  But if you're someone I considered a friend and don't have the backbone to talk to me because you think Cancer girl can't handle any confrontation, then you can go to hell.  I may be Cancer girl but I can still hold my own.  Any true friend of mine would know that.  

To Old High School Friend,

If you're reading this, then I have one thing to say: I'm really disappointed in you.  (Edited to add) I should have let my friend, Amber, rip you to shreds when she wanted to.

Sincerely,

Lara