Sunday, December 26, 2010


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

I really need to work on this.  I cannot change others or what's happening to me.  I can't make others feel comfortable around me or want to offer me the help that I really need during this time.   I cannot get loved ones to get over their own fears and stop ignoring my cancer or chemotherapy.  I definitely cannot make unaffectionate people show me affection or hell, compassion.  I cannot change the people around me into the people I wish they were. 

However, I can change how I react.  If I need to distance myself from whoever, I'm going to do whatever I have to do to make me feel better and less stressed.  It doesn't mean I won't stop hoping that the friends and family members who have disappointed me so much will one day get their heads out their asses and be there for me.  Those who can't do it, will find me playing a very small and insignificant role in their lives now and when I'm in remission.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this. Some people fail you spectacularly at these really tough times.

    My long-term experience with having this happen to me is that eventually some of these people realize that they failed a big life test and regret it bitterly, and the ones that never do are people you absolutely don't want in your life.

    Also, and this realization took me a long time, if you have to be on one side of this equation, yours is the better one. It's very hard to live with yourself when you have let someone down so entirely.