Saturday, October 23, 2010

Cancer Card

I've made several joking references so far to playing the cancer card.  I admit, I played the cancer card to get out of my gym membership just because I hated that particular gym.  I signed up for Bally's when I lived in the South Hills.  I thought it was a nice gym and went twice or three times a week.  When I moved to the North Hills and had to start going to the Bally's there, I hated that facility.  It was inconvenient to get to and it didn't offer as many cool options as the South Hills facility.  When I got diagnosed, I did think to myself, "Oooh, I bet I can get out of my contract now."  Indeed, it worked.  I'm no longer contractually obligated to Bally's.  Thank you, cancer card.

Being that I have a zany mind (full of clowns speaking French, mismatched outfits and monkeys riding mini-bicycles... I don't know - go with it), I started thinking about how awkward it would be to start playing the cancer card in every day life. 

Grocery Store

"Is that your debit card or charge card?"  "Oh no, this is a cancer card.  Not acceptable currency at Giant Eagle?"

Playing the Game of Life

"Haha, you pulled the 'Go on FMLA leave because you have cancer.  Go back 20 spaces' card."  "Fuck!  I don't like this game.  It's too real."

Sending Birthday Well Wishes

"Let me see the birthday card Aunt Lara sent you."  "She sent me a cancer card.  It's just a card with the word 'cancer' written in sparkly letters.  I don't know what to do with this, Dad."

Playing Hearts

"Wait, I have the Queen of Spades and the cancer card.  Shit, I don't just lose.  I really lose, right?"


"Can I use my cancer card in conjunction with my Rite Aid Wellness card?  I'm here a lot.  The two seem like they should be used together."

I hope nobody is offended by my cancer jokes.  It's okay for me to make these jokes because I have cancer.  (See what I did there?)

Me the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer.


  1. I love that you took a pic of yourself the day you found out, that's why you're a good photographer, you think of stuff like that. I think your cancer jokes are pretty damn funny. Hugs <3

  2. Hahahah, this post totally cracked me up. I think if cancer can be used to your advantage whatsoever, do it! My mom used her illness to get out of a speeding ticket and it totally worked, but then felt super bad about it. I figure the world OWES you a freakin favor.