Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Okay, so most everyone knows I gots me some breast cancer.  Now I want to start laying down some rules for dealing with me during this time.  

1.) It's okay to be mad at me or anything at me.  I don't wish for anyone to tiptoe around my feelings and if I'm acting like a jerk, it's okay to tell me, "Quit acting like a jerk."  Just because I have cancer, it doesn't mean I have a pass to all of a sudden be an asshole.  

2.) It's not about you.  If something bad or eventful happened or is happening to you, I would like to know, especially good news.  If you get engaged or having a baby or your child started talking (crazy awesome stuff like that nature), then by all means tell me.  Good news is always welcome and encouraged.  If something bad happened, tell me - I don't want to be kept in the dark.  What I don't want is someone trying to make me "feel better" by telling me what's wrong with their lives.  Fuck you, it's not about you.  "Well, I am having X, Y and Z done, and my doctor thinks..."  I'm sorry but I don't care.  My primary concern about anything health-related deals with me only.  If you think I'll feel better if I hear what's wrong or could be wrong with you, then you haven't a clue and should shut the fuck up.  

3.) Not interested in unsolicited medical advice.  Unless you have also been through the cancer or have a medical background, I'm not interested in hearing what you think I should be doing with my cancer treatment.  Facts, facts, facts.  I'm interested in facts, stats.  Cancer is a numbers game, and I need the facts to know what my best odds are.  More importantly, my cancer treatment is not a committee decision, unless you are one of my doctors.  You'd be surprised at how much unsolicited cancer advice I've already received.  

4.) No pity, please.  I don't feel sorry for myself so neither should you.  I'm still me.  I'm just me with breast cancer.

5.) Only hand I want to hold is my boyfriend's.  I love all the support and well wishes I'm getting.  It means the absolute world to me.  One thing I won't be doing is helping anyone else deal with my cancer, except my sweetie.  His well-being, besides my own, is my concern because if he's not okay, I'm not okay.  If you can't be supportive or hold it together while talking with me, don't contact me until you can.  I don't have it in me to listen to anyone break down while speaking with me.  I need strength and support.   

6.) Distractions are welcome.  If you have a funny email or video, share!  If you want to make CDs of awesome music or anything, then please do.  My sense of humor is still very much intact.  

7.) Take care of yourselves.  Use what is happening to me to take care of yourself.  If you're putting off a check-up, don't - go.  Get your finances in good shape.  Get yourselves strong and take care of your health because I'm proof, that it can be taken away from you.

Edited to Add

8.) Don't use MY cancer as an excuse for bad behavior.  It's okay to feel sad and nervous about me.  I'm feeling that too.  I swear to the pits of hell, if I find out if anyone uses my illness as an excuse to drink themselves stupid or do anything irresponsible or self-destructive, I will find you (I'm an investigator - I can do that) and slap you upside your head.  


  1. This is really helpful and I appreciate it. I was looking at the Susan G. Komen site and it didn't tell me anything that was nearly as helpful and informative as this. Come to think of it I think you should submit this to the Komen site, or Pittsburgh cancer support site or something. All Komen had to tell me was to make myself available to drive you places.

  2. A few months after my husband finished with his daily chemo and radiation he did some stand-up.
    Hopefully it will make you laugh.

    Please let me know if you'd like to talk sometime. Even if it's not about Cancer.
    And agreed. Frak Cancer.
    *best wishes*

  3. I agree, it should posted somewhere! Like I said, many people just want to help. Kind of sucks what they think as helping actually is the worst thing to do.... On the other hand, some things you would think would just be common sense....