In case anyone was wondering

Since my surgeon didn't order the Oncotype test after my surgery last month and it got postponed until my oncologist could order it, I'm not going to start any treatment until probably the second week of November.  (I was diagnosed with cancer on September 22 - srsly.)  I've been told they can't do anything until the test gets back and on Friday, I was told that would take 10 to 14 days.  Thank you, health care system.  I don't know what's going to kill me first - cancer or my patience.

Congrats Lara - you have cancer.  Now you get to wait weeks on end just to get the sucker fully out of your body.  Haha, we don't care that your anxiety is getting worse and worse the longer you wait.  You're not a person to us - just a Socical Security number. 

I guess the only bright side to my surgeon's fuck up is that I can enjoy a week or two of normalcy before becoming a full-time cancer patient.  Plus I won't be in the hospital when my boyfriend has his 40th birthday.  Still, I'm not enjoying this wait whatsoever.  While I'm not looking forward to surgeries or chemotherapy, I just want to get this train moving.  The quicker it starts, the quicker it ends.

I haven't even started my treatment and I'm already falling through the cracks.  This can't be good.

Wishing and Hoping and Waiting

If anyone is curious, I have absolutely no idea when my cancer treatment is going to start and what exactly the cancer treatment is going to entail.  We are waiting for the results of my Oncotype Dx score: if the cancer scores high, then that means chemotherapy is on like Donkey Kong.  If the cancer scores low, then chemotherapy would be pointless. 

The other test I am waiting the results for: the BRAC1 and BRAC2 gene mutation test.  If the test comes back positive, then my funbags will be fun no more.  I will 100 percent get a bilateral mastectomy and get me some fake boobs.  For realz.  I will suffer through the hell that is bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction because if I carry those gene mutations, I will be freaking out the rest of my life that I'm going to get another breast cancer.  If the test comes back negative, then I'll be all indecisive about what I need to do to eradicate Barney from my body.

For the next week or so, my life is going to be "normal" before I become a cancer patient.  Right now, I feel fine.  I'm about 90 percent since my lymph node removal and partial mastectomy surgery last month.  The 10 percent remaining is the numbness under my armpit and arm.  It's weird.  I touch that area and don't feel a thing.  Trippy.  Anyway, I keep thinking how drastically my life is going to change in such a short period of time.  I'm going to go from feeling fine and normal to recovering from surgery (likely surgeries).  I may be having radiation and chemotherapy.  All of this could be happening as quickly as the beginning of November. 

I wish I could "live it up" until I start treatment.  Maybe I'll kill a man in Reno just to watch him die, or dance like no one's watching and love like I'll never get hurt.  I don't know what I'll do.  I'm enjoying the last hours and days of my "normal" life because pretty soon, I'm going to look back at these days and miss them terribly.