Thank You

I received a care package filled with unexpected and meaningful gifts from a friend today.  Each item I opened made me go "awww" and feel warm fuzzy goosebumps up and down my arm.  I can't begin to express how amazing it is to open a box full of gifts designed to make you smile and/or pass the time on your road to recovery.  I want to thank Stephanie for sending me such an amazing box of gifts, which I will treasure.  

Last week, my friend Tashi sent me a shirt that says Stupid (breast) Cancer.com and a handful of cancer cards.    Where were these cards when I was first diagnosed, haha?  "I'm sorry, so and so.  I cannot listen to your bullshit anymore," and then hand them my cancer card.  Tashi knows what it's like to walk in my shoes.

Stephanie's gift reminded me how much love and care I have received since September 2010, when I was initially diagnosed.  My friends have showered me with so much love and humor in their gifts since being diagnosed with breast cancer.  On top of the gifts of toys or magazines with healthy recipe ideas, I have received rides to the hospital or baked goods or just visits to hang out.  I have said this before but it definitely warrants repeating: I have amazing friends, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to repay the kindness I have been shown.

Cancer has the ability to invade every aspect of your life and make it seem like nothing good will ever happen again.  Friends who shower you with such love and affection, like I have been shown, make you realize that your body may fail you but your friends won't.

I'm not crying.  YOU are crying.

How Frickin' Awesome

Today my office held its annual Christmas party.  When my boss showed up with his wife and his uber-adorable daughter (seriously, y'all, this girl is a cutie!), one of  my coworkers presented them with a gift certificate to this local eatery we all know he likes.  Immediately afterward, my boss started talking about how everyone decided this year, instead of doing the Secret Santa gift exchange that nobody ever really cared for, everyone (who isn't Lara) pooled money together and made a donation to the Susan G. Komen foundation in my name.

I was shocked and also relieved after my boss' speech.  For a split second when I realized they were talking about me and my cancer schmancer, I was afraid they pooled money together and got ME a gift.  When he said they made a donation in my name, that was really the most perfect thing.  Honestly, I could cry tears of joy just thinking about it.  It's very touching.

I am a lucky girl.  I really and truly am.  I have great friends, supportive colleagues and bosses, and a guy who loves me very much and wants to take care of me.  It's not always easy to ask for help, but I'm finding that people who care about you, they want to help.   Some people in my life have really stepped up and have been absolutely amazing to me, while others have crawled in a hole and pretty much can stay there for all I care. 

It's a nice feeling to be on the recipient of so much love.    

Nothing Left to Do but Smile Smile Smile

During my Cancer Limbo time here, I would like to regale you all with a blog entry full of sunshine and puppies.  I am grateful for some many things right now, despite being dealt a shitty card (or two).  Nothing like some breast cancer to make take a long, hard look at my life.  I've got to say - I have no complaints and only ONE regret.  If you must know, if I could go back and re-do my bachelor's degree, I would not major in journalism.  Hellllll no.  I wish I could build a time machine and go back to 18 year old Lara and say, "Noooo, don't do it.  Major in something with substance."  Other than that, no additional regrets.

Right now, I am so incredibly grateful to my job.  They are being absolutely amazing with me and not giving me any grief or stress.  When I told my boss that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, her response: "I am so sorry.  Anything we can do to help, let me know.  You have so much to worry about right now, and your job should be the last thing if we can help."  She also said, "You're not just an employee to us.  You're a person and we care about you.  We want you to get better."  She's been true to her word.

I'm currently on intermittant family leave, so I can take off days off when needed.  Heck, if I need a couple of hours off, I can just go to whatever appointment and those hours would be unpaid.  The wonderful thing my job has let me do: work on weekends to make up for any time I need off during the week for appointments.  It's a load off my already loaded shoulders.  Any time I take unpaid time, that means obviously my paycheck starts taking a hit.  If I can keep my pay and hours up as close to full time as I can, then I don't have to worry about money and bills.  I am beyond grateful for them letting me do this.  Money is a huge stress factor when you get diagnosed with a disease like cancer. 

To my job: thank you thank you thank you thank you. 

I'm also very grateful that my parents still live close by for the time being.  My dad is about a year and a half away from retirement and when that time comes, I want him and his better half to go somewhere nice and warm and never come back to the 'Burgh.  A huge smile creeps on my face when I think of my parents and the beagle relaxing in nice warm weather, though I will miss the hell out of that dog... er, my parents.  This past winter was brutal and my dad spent way too much time shoveling the driveway and sidewalk.  I want them to be happy and warm!  In the meantime, they are still here and close to my house.  Knowing that they are 25 minutes nearby while going through cancer, I feel better about my immediate future.  I know I can stay with my stepmom and the beagle during the day while my sweetie is at work.  If I have big surgeries coming up, then my parents will be close by to help me recuperate.

Oh yeah, that's the spot.

What timing would that be - I recover from my cancer treatment and then shortly after get to watch my parents ride off into the sunset.  I like that. 

I am so grateful to my friends.  I haven't been around much lately in the last year.  I've either been working on overtime cases and then got swallowed in by my house.  The friends I thought who would step up have and the ones I thought would fall by the wayside have done just that.  I understand that and don't begrudge any of my acquaintances for not asking me every other day, "How are you?"  There are friends and then the are acquaintances.  I know who my friends are, and I absolutely adore them.  My friends who don't live near me have kept in contact via text or email.  It's nice.  I'm having this It's a Wonderful Life surreal moment where I'm seeing the impact I've had on others.

I've also gotten a lot of support from the ladies at Jezebel.  Many times, I've posted something on #groupthink or the weekend threads, and the ladies come guns blazing with their support.  I only know the real names of a few of them, but I count them all as friends.  They are supportive and genuinely care about one another.  If a Jezzie is in trouble, then here come the Jezzies to the rescue. 

While getting breast cancer at the ripe old age of 30 is pretty damn shitty, I can't help but smile at all the great things I have in my life.  I have a killer support system and I know with everyone's help, I am going to be okay.  It may not be soon but it will happen.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.